Kindness and self-compassion - the antidote to your inner critic
Are you taking on a new challenge? Pushing yourself into new experiences or taking on new responsibilities?
You know what you need to do, but fear of failure, wondering what other people are thinking and doubts about your own abilities can send you into a downward spiral.
Time for some self-compassion.
The Link Between Self-Compassion and Confidence
We thrive when we feel secure in our worth and abilities. Unfortunately, the inner critic works against this by constantly reminding us of our perceived flaws, what we might have experienced before and, critically, how it made us feel at the time. When we face new challenges up comes negative thoughts , ‘You are not good enough”, They are going to see right through you”, “What makes you think you belong here” “They are so much better at this than me,” These thoughts can then ignite feelings like failure, low self-esteem and down you go into a world of negativity and anxiety.
Research has shown that individuals who cultivate self-compassion experience lower levels of anxiety and depression and higher levels of happiness and self-esteem. This enhanced emotional resilience allows them to face challenges with courage and confidence, knowing they can handle setbacks without self-condemnation.
Understanding Self-Compassion
Self-compassion, as championed by psychologist Dr. Kristin Neff, is the practice of treating yourself with the same kindness and care you would offer to a close friend in moments of struggle. It involves recognising your suffering, responding with care and understanding and being kind to yourself.
Self-kindness: Being gentle and supportive towards yourself, especially when things are difficult or you don’t get it right first time.
Common humanity: We all make mistakes. That’s how we learn.it is completely normal to make mistakes. No one is perfect.
Mindfulness: Observe your thoughts and feelings objectively and test out if those thoughts are facts, not just feelings.
By bringing these three elements together you can create a positive and gentle internal culture to encourage balance and improved wellbeing.
Your Personal Toolkit - in Five Steps
The next time that fears, doubts and worries come up you can reduce the impact they have on you by following the following steps:
Step 1 – Notice that critical voice and recognise it for what it is – your internal imposter voice.
Notice exactly what it is saying and what words it is using and remember feelings are not facts
Assess whether there is anything valuable in what the voice is saying. Is there any evidence to support its statements? Think about all the evidence you have that tells you the exact opposite. Reflect on your achievements (it can be useful to refer to a personal achievement tracker if possible).
Step 2 – Reframe the inner critical statements
If you want to listen to all or part of what it is saying, then find a more compassionate way of talking to yourself about the situation.
Think about how a compassionate person might re-phrase the words. For example “I am rubbish at presentations” could become “ I’m working on improving the impact of my presentations”. Consider what tone of voice would they use.
Step 3 – Remember that everyone has difficulties at times and we all have self-doubts
Talk to people you can trust about your feelings. You will probably find that they have similar experiences themselves and sharing stories builds positive feelings about accepting that we are all work in progress.
Step 4 – Create your own self-compassion toolkit
Add in some small acts of self-kindness every day. This will train your mind to accept and know that you are worthy and deserve compassion. Ideas could include:
– Finding time for positive reflection
– Meditation
– Going for a walk
– Breathing exercises
– Gratitude journalling
– Listening to your favourite, happy, playlist
– Using positive affirmations – place them around your home or workspace to act as positive reminders.
Step 5 – Set Realistic Expectations
Unrealistic expectations often fuel the inner critic. Aim for achievable milestones and celebrate progress, no matter how small.
Reflections
Boosting confidence and silencing the inner critic is not about silencing all doubts or achieving perfection—it’s about cultivating a compassionate relationship with yourself. By practising self-kindness, embracing common humanity, and staying mindful of your thoughts, you can transform your inner dialogue and unlock your potential. Remember that even small steps forward are progress.
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